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| King_ov_Hell
Posts: 270 Status: Viscount Karma: -105 [+1] [-1]   |
Subject: Fun and Wierd Thoughts | |||||
| What is the problem with people who ask sarcastic rhetorical questions? Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. I'd strongly suggest you put on a pair of new Dockers Heat-Resistant Comet Pants first though, unless you're into third-degree burns. When technology advances enough to shrink cellular phones to the size of an actual cell, it would probably be a good idea to clone a bunch of them, because man, those things are going to be really easy to lose. Sometimes I just stare into the sun, marveling at its powers and gentle grace that warms the Earth and allows for life itself. Then I stop and think "Good God, I've blinded myself again!" If you ever decide to build yourself a house made of butter, you should try to live next to a house made of toast. That would make for a hilarious news story. You should never cry over spilt milk. Unless, of course, you are stranded on a deserted island and a magical genie shows up and offers you a lifetime of pleasure, fame, and fortune in exchange for your last glass of milk and you leap with glee and nearly spill your milk, then after you sigh in relief that it hasn't spilled, you step on a clam shell and drop the glass, causing the genie to disappear and leaving you to live out your days on a diet of coconuts and dead seagulls. If I ever decide to get into body piercing I think I'll ask them to use one of those big hole punchers. That way I could hang 3-ring binders from my chest and carry around recipes and things. Whenever I see someone who is really obese, I usually picture them in the shower. Not because I find them attractive though. I'm just curious how in the world they wash their back. Whoever came up with that "lift with your knees and not with your back" idea is an idiot. Everybody knows that when it comes to lifting, the best way to do it is with your HANDS. I'm glad that wristwatches have withstood the test of time, because not only would I not enjoy wearing a neckwatch, but it would be nearly impossible to see the time. A cheetah might be fast and an elephant might be strong, but neither of them have any pockets. We can all thank the modern clothing industry for that key advantage. Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, but at the same time "Love is blind." Damn that's confusing...ah well Do we really need warnings that the lead in paint will kill you? Keep in mind that these people have already made a conscious decision to CONSUME PAINT. Americans would be a lot less obese if we all agreed to do a whimsical little dance instead of saying "Hello." Some people think the worst part of Razor Blade Pizza is the razor blades. They're wrong though - it's the horribly salty sauce recipe that irritates all of your internal lacerations. Every rose has its thorn, except for those new genetically altered ones that have teeth and a taste for human flesh. I'd rather deal with the thorns, personally. Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a valuable lesson in trust. You know what doesn't scare me? The threat of super-intelligent plants. They take so long to grow that we'd totally see through their plans in advance. You know what would make pictures better? If they had the ability to walk and talk, as well as do all types of household chores. Then again, I could be confusing them with my idea for a two-dimensional midget handyman. Whenever I go walking in the forest I like to stop now and then and build a small pile of rocks. You can never be too prepared for a rock throwing contest. Why do Tic Tacs have to announce that extra half calorie? Do you know anyone that has become hideously obese from eating breath mints? If the early bird gets the worm, then what incentive do worms have to wake up early? Death? I was seriously injured in a Chinese cooking accident the other day. The doctors told me that I might never be able to wok again. I bet a lot of mimes choke to death because everyone just thinks it is one of those mime routines. Yesterday I accidentally drank some "baby formula." I hope I don't get pregnant. If you can't say anything nice about someone, say nothing. Then creep up behind them with a baseball bat and really let em have it. I'm going to make a movie where the bullets actually HIT the hero in the first gunfight. Do you ever take a few seconds and think about technology? Take a telephone for instance. Every call we make travels across an unbroken wire at amazing speeds that almo... Okay, I'm done thinking. Back to TV I love the internet. Where else could a word as short as "ok" be shortened to "k" just to save a millisecond of time?  Instead of watering their crops, do popcorn farmers go out and butter the plants every morning? If movement causes friction and friction causes heat and heat is an energy, well how long would a dog humping a bucket of water take for it reach boiling point? |
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